Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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