You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
