Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
