He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
