i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize