Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
