It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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