It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
