I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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