i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
