I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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