Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
