In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the liver wants what the liver wants
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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