If i come over, it means nothing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
