My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
