I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
