Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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