I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
