Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
