I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's rum buckets o'clock
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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