your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
