for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
