Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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