Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
