So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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