Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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