i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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