I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
