Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will be naked everywhere
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
