dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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