Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
be right there i have to get my cape
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
