Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize