My brain says no but my pants say off.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
