yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize