Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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