The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
