you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
