Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
