i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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