Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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