I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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