how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
