I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
