I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
