Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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