My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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