You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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