then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
