mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
