you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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