So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're a waste of cheezeits
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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