Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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