I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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