We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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