I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
