never play flip cup with pint glasses
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
