Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
