fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
