I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
