His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
