i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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