Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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