This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
