I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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