i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
