Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
