Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
