you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
