He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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