I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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