i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize