So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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