i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
