Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Only a mothe r could love this liver
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
