Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
