Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
