He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
