not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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