The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
