were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
