I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
