It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
