Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize