It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
