It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
