somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
