I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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