I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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