So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
