so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just tell him i said nine months
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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