I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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