There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
