I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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