and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
do herpes really smell.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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