She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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