I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
