Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
