He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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