Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
