Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize