seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
