I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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