Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
