...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
