coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
