hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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