mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
