well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
