new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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