none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize