I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
