do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
